Loosening old patterns and growing into the life you want.

Growing up with a parent who struggles with alcohol or drug use often means growing up too quickly, or in some cases, never fully growing up and remaining "the adult child." Children in these homes learn to read the room and can sense a parent's mood from the sound of the front door. They may keep the peace, take care of younger siblings, try to stay out of the way, or appear and function more "sick" than they actually feel. These are smart ways for a child to cope with an unpredictable home. The trouble is that these ways of adapting often follow us into adulthood, long after we need them.

Two of the most common reasons adult children of alcoholics and addicts come to therapy are that their relationships aren't working and they don't understand why, or they can't seem to get a handle on their lives. Through exploration, they often discover that the roots of these challenges lie in the ways they adapted to their family system, ways that now make it hard, or nearly impossible, to thrive as an adult.

In our work together, I offer a safe and steady environment where you can explore your story at your own pace. Together, we work to understand the larger narrative and answer questions like: What happened? Why did I respond that way? Why am I so focused on control?

I can also help you make changes. This can be hard, because growing up, so much of your energy went toward coping, and there was little room to grow, experiment, or make mistakes. You may find that you need to "loosen up" or "grow up," and sometimes both. I use these terms casually, but they point to complex ways you adapted as a child that often go unnoticed.

Changing these old ways of coping is often what it takes to build the life you want, and it can be both daunting and wonderful. If you are a parent or becoming one, this work can also be a way to create something different for the next generation.

If you are curious about how growing up with addiction in your family may be affecting you today, you are welcome to learn more about working together in a free phone consultation.